Dark shadows linger
Open up a vein
Let it all pour out
Watch it dance
Onto the cold hard floor, were I lay.
No movement,
Shallow breathing,
Voices call out,
They tell me to sink,
Sink deep down,
Down to the bottom,
Where I belong.
Water engulfs my body,
My insides become full,
But I still feel empty,
I still feel helpless,
My cries for help were never answered,
So I did something about it,
Something worth while,
Worth my time,
Makes me feel,
For once this is my decision,
My choice,
My fate.

Ever feel like you can’t get away from your dark little secret?
The one that you tuck so far down, bury deep into the back of your closet, hiding, searching, waiting to be let out.
The guilt eats you up inside to the point where you have no choice other than to unleash your massive scandal, wear it on the outside for everyone to see.
Not intentionally, of course, but because you get tired of caring, tired of bottling up every little emotion and feeling that you carry inside.
People start to notice, they notice the blood stained clothes, the red glassy eyes, the empty expression you carry on your face. They pretend to care, but you know the truth. They’ll never understand your sick little addiction, they’ll never understand your fascination with pain, and they’ll never understand that flirting with death gives you the biggest rush of all and the blood that spills out of you veins actually eases all of your pain.

everything is a waste, nothing is worth living for anymore. this world has become a shit hole and we have all been brainwashed into believing in the impossible. we aren’t human, we are monsters, every last one of us. we live off of the artificial population, they feed our empty souls with what we want to hear. all we care for is climbing the social ladder to hell. we are all sick minded individuals who take up space and air. nothing will be okay, but keep lying to yourself and maybe..just maybe you’ll survive, but what’s the point?

i gave in again, i don’t know why, and i don’t know how. It’s like i completely shut down, became a psychotic killer of my own body, I don’t remember how it happened nor do I want to. but I have the proof, I have the scars and I have the stories, they will be with me forever, etched into my body, a piece of artwork, a walking disaster.

This does not erase the past, I will always remember those harsh words, the hideous torture, the terrible cries for help that were never answered..I had to rescue myself from the monster I call my past, I had to do it all alone just like most things in my life. I’ve been alone since the day I entered this world, and I will be alone until the day I exit. It is something I brought upon myself, pushing every helping hand away, there is nothing that can be changed about it now, the downward spiral has begun and is far from ending. 

trying to speak but the words will not simply not release. i sit here and drown myself in useless, unwanted memories. i will never be the same, i am past the point of no return. i have been corrupted by the life i live, my own thoughts are enough to drive your average man mad. i am locked up, afraid, alone in this psychotic world. every sound is like a bomb going off in my head, tick, tick, tick, time is running out. but my escape is nonexistent, this is the way i chose to be. 

you call this life? i call it hell. 

my heart feels like it has been detached from my body and thrown into a dark twisted hole. I cannot sit here anymore and think about my burning desire towards you, it is only making life worse. I do not blame you for this, I blame myself for having the thought that we could be lovers.

the hardest part is waking up day after day and not knowing how you feel. do you love the same way I do? do you awake with that terrifying pain in your heart the same way I do? i will sit here and wait for you, i will do what it takes. it may take forever, but your love will give me the strength to continue. 

Words cannot express the way I feel about you, you changed me in so many ways. I feel that I will never be able to move on, you were my everything, my reason to keep pushing through. I lay awake every night, thinking about how things would be if you were here with me, how things would be if you never stopped loving me. Now I am left on my own, left to pick up the pieces and clean up the mess that you made of me. I sit here in my misery and hope that one day you will come back and save me, even though I know I will be falling right back into the hole I was thrown in, struggling to get out, falling with every step I take, my words tremble, but my heart will always beat for you.